inMotion interviewed Jan Garrett’s mother, Ann Taylor, from the perspective of parenting a child with multiple disabilities. Today, Jan Garrett is a disability rights attorney, happily married, independent, and living a full life. She is a frequent contributor to inMotion, penning the “Alternatives” columns in 1998 and other works. Early in life, Jan chose not to wear prostheses — a decision that was respected by her parents. inMotion asked Mrs. Taylor to share her approach to parenting Jan and helping her to develop strong sense of self and to develop a voice of her own. Here is her personal story.
When Ann Taylor gave birth to her fourth child, Jan, she thought she knew enough about parenting to write a book on it. “But Jan, my youngest, taught me much more about parenting — enough to fill a volume or two,” Ann says. Jan, the youngest of the Taylor brood, was born with no arms, and partial thighs - the left one longer than the right one. In other words, Jan had congenital bilateral upper amelia and bilateral lower hemi-melia.
Ann Taylor stresses that her parenting of Jan was guided by the knowledge that her youngest child was, first and foremost, a whole person — and for this reason, it was important to respect her needs as a whole person. “When Jan was a baby, I used to answer people’s questions about her limb differences. But when she turned five, she told me she wanted to answer those questions herself. Rather than try to shield her from such questions, I decided to let her speak for herself because it was important for her to have her own voice.”
Part of Ann Taylor’s parenting philosophy was to foster a solid bond among her children. She made every effort to engender a strong connection between Jan and her siblings. “I took them to the prosthetic facility in Michigan where Jan had to spend weeks, even months at a stretch, while she was being fitted. I wanted her brother and sister, Doug and Kay, to know and understand her experiences. I think they learned a lot by going there.”
Ann Taylor admits that she was occasionally surprised by the strength and the form of the strong bond that developed between Jan and her able-bodied siblings. She recalls, “I was working in the kitchen one day, when I heard Jan call for me. I knew she was all right because she was with Doug. I went out in the yard to see what they were doing and I couldn’t believe my eyes — Jan was up in a tree with Doug and his friend, Pete! Doug and Pete managed to get her up the tree by passing her between them as they climbed it. They did it because they wanted her to know what it was like to be up in a tree. Jan was so excited and happy, she just couldn’t stop beaming.”
Ann Taylor also taught her young children to cope and accept people’s reaction to Jan’s limb differences. “I pointed out to them that the reaction of strangers to Jan’s limb differences was the same as their response to unusually thin or tall people. People stare at those with limb differences for the very same reason — out of curiosity.”
As parents, the Taylors learned that respecting their daughter’s independence occasionally meant going against conventional wisdom. “When Jan turned 13, she decided that she didn’t want to wear a prosthetic arm. All the experts told us otherwise so we were a little uncertain initially if we were doing the right thing. But we decided to respect Jan’s decision about her body, and that turned out to be the right thing to do for her.”
Reflecting on the experience of parenting Jan, Ann added, “As a child, Jan surprised her father and I by how much she could do for herself. As an adult, she has surpassed all our hopes and expectations; she is a successful lawyer and is leading a happily married, independent life. So, what I want to share with other parents of children with disabilities is that don’t underestimate your children, they may surprise you yet.”
In 1987, Ann Taylor founded the Oklahoma Interagency Coordinating Council for Early Intervention. She has also chaired the National Council of the Oklahoma Interagency Coordinating Council for Early Intervention.. This agency performs early intervention for new-borns to three year olds with disabilities.
It is ranked amongst the top three agencies in the nation.
