My mom taught me that charm and wit go a long way toward getting what you want and need in life. Her love and assistance gave me a solid base for my future relationships.
Relationships: The Perfect Match
Relationships are an important part of who we are. We have family relationships, friendships, and romantic liaisons throughout our lives. For people with disabilities, relationships are particularly important, as they represent the acceptance, support and love that we may not find in society at large.
I am very fortunate. Growing up, I experienced very close, intense family relationships and friendships.
I was born without limbs, my mom provided assistance with most of my daily needs until I left home. Thus, she and I were not only close emotionally, we had a physical bond that people without disabilities generally do not have with their mothers beyond early childhood. She was also a tireless advocate for my rights, making sure that I received a great education and that I had the ability to live and travel independently. But perhaps most importantly, she taught me that charm and wit go a long way toward getting what you want and need in life. Her love and assistance gave me a solid base for my future relationships.
Today, I am very close to my brother and sister and their families, but our close relationship as siblings did not develop until I was a pre-teen, perhaps because my sister is eight years older than I, and my brother, who is 16 years older, left for college the year I was born. When I was born, life changed dramatically for my entire family, but perhaps the most dramatically for my sister. The attention she once received was severely reduced, and she had to cope with her confusion about my disability that was not clarified until she was much older. In a curious way, my disability has taught my siblings a lot about themselves and about society. Like my mom, they are keenly aware of the rights of people with disabilities and fight for those rights in their own way each day. The close relationship we share is invaluable for all of us.
As I grew older, I began to realize that family and friends were only part of the relationship equation. I wondered if I would ever find romantic love. In high school, I never dated. I think the boys were just too immature to cope with dating a girl with a disability, and I was too shy to make the first move. Of course, in high school, life is all about having the right clothes, the right hair, and the right girlfriend or boyfriend.
The absence of a romantic relationship continued for me in college. It was not until I completed college that I had my first long-term romantic relationship. My first two serious romantic relationships demonstrated how immature and inexperienced I was in selecting an appropriate partner. But even though those relationships ended badly, they demonstrated that men could be attracted to me, something that was a new concept altogether. They also helped to prepare me for the man I would ultimately meet and marry.
My husband Dan and I met at the swimming pool of a hotel during a conference in Chicago. From the moment we met, I knew that he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He knew we had something special right away too, but we were both cautious in the way we approached our courtship. For one thing, we lived in two separate states and had to commute to spend time together. And he had never dated any woman with a disability before. It was quite a learning experience for both of us.
We have been married now for just over six years, and life couldn't be better! Things were a bit rocky at first with some members of his family. I know my disability came as quite a shock to them. But eventually, they welcomed me warmly into the family. For my family, of course, Dan is the prince on the white horse they always hoped I would find.
The relationship Dan and I share is solidly based on true love. But it is also based on mutual physical attraction. I know Dan loves me with my disability, not in spite of it. The additional intimacy we share during the limited personal care assistance he provides is icing on the cake.
We're in this relationship for the duration. I hope that both parents of children with limb deficiencies and adults with disabilities who read this article will take heart. There is a perfect match out there for all of us.
