Dear Dee,

Today is the first anniversary of my amputation surgery and I'm really bummed out. It took a couple years after my injury before I decided to go ahead with the amputation. I thought all these feelings were behind me. What's wrong with me?

Bummed in Boise

Dear Bummed,

Well, first of all, let me tell you that nothing is "wrong" with you; you are very normal. The feelings that go with an amputation are intense and individual. In most cases it feels like a death in the family. Something near and dear is gone, not to return in this life.

It has been said that it takes two years just to start to get over a death of someone dear. In truth, we really never do "get over" the death of someone precious, nor do we truly ever get over the loss of part of our body. Fortunately, for most of us, the feelings of grief diminish over time. We move on and a new life develops. But our senses will often remind us of our loss:

- the flat sheet where a whole body once was; 

- the difficulty in finding a comfortable sleeping position;

- the inability to rub your feet or hands together;

- the "looks" and comments or questions from people;

- the odor from the prosthetic socket, liner, or suspension sleeve; and

- the artificial sounds from your artificial limb.

These changes at first can be highly annoying if not overwhelming. We may be constantly comparing ourselves to others or how we used to be. The grief can and, perhaps, should be intense in the beginning. After months, and finally years, pass, the nuisances of this life as an amputee may only bring up brief twinges of emotion. A brief twinge when we see shoes or clothes that just don't work well with this new body. An ache when we see someone move effortlessly on the dance floor, the ice skating rink, or in the gym. A sentimental sad thought when we realize that today is the tenth anniversary of our amputation. We usually don't go farther than a brief pain because we've learned that there is nothing to be accomplished by dwelling on it. And, truly, it really doesn't hurt that much after a while; it's just the way our new life is.

So Bummed, go ahead and have some down time on this first anniversary of the ablative procedure that has impacted every area of your life. Allow for some emotion on the second and third anniversary too. Let it out in whatever way works best for you; talking, crying, writing, praying, painting. The main thing with feelings is that they go away quicker and are easier on the body if they have a way of getting out. The worst thing to do is to stuff them inside indefinitely. They will still be there and they will ultimately give your body a hard time (ulcer, stroke, tumor, etc.) if you don't let them out.